Being a dad for the first time (START PREPARING NOW!)
Becoming a first time dad has to be of the most exciting and life-altering experience for a man. In many ways, it can make us a better person and focus on what truly matters in life.
I can still recall what it was like being a first-time father, getting the baby bag packed and ready for rushing to the hospital at a moment’s notice.
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nxiety pangs about whether it would be a smooth, safe and healthy delivery plagued me constantly. On the other hand I day-dreamed about what the little one would look like, spending hours pouring through names, making the little ‘nest’ ready at home.
BTW, the ‘nest’ thing is interesting as one of my first dates with my then girlfriend (wife now) was to watch an omni-theatre (3-D) documentary on the life of 2 young beavers setting up their new home and preparing for their new brood. How romantic!
So when does one start preparing to be a first-time dad?
On hind-sight, there was a lot more that I could have done, if only I had taken the time and interest to read and learn from others and given myself sufficient mental preparation.
Helpful tips for being a dad for the first time
- Join an antenatal class
Most hospitals should have their recommendations.The tips and lessons you get are tremendous. You get to know about breathing techniques (for your wife, not you), what to expect on delivery day, pain control options (again for your wife, not you), how to properly bathe a new-born, how to change nappies, etc - Be very supportive of your wife.
Hey it is her first time too.Imagine for a moment that you are the one carrying the baby and seeing your body change for 9 months!I don’t know about you, but I would probably freak out. Don’t forget to talk. A little cuddle, some tender-loving care, lots of reassurances (especially of the way she looks and the fear of not regaining her figure) .. - Plan your time.
This is actually the simplest of all but easily forgotten.Make sure that you arrange for sufficient time off to be around for at least the first week of baby coming home. Your wife is going to need all the help she can get.Defer or postpone all non-emergency appointments at work ahead of time and prep your boss that you are not going to be around for a while, especially not during delivery-date. - Mentally prepare to help out in the night shift.
This is especially important if you are the type that sleeps like a log, which is probably 80% of us men (I kid that figure should be 99%).Our better half would have been exhausted by the time the day ends. If not every day, at least 3 out of 7 days? Notice I said mentally prepared? It is probably all in our minds. Some training required here. - Make lasting memories.
One of the things I have regretted is not having the discipline to take enough photographs to chronicle the growth and changes of J. If you have a video-cam, that is even better. You never know, one of these days, a playback of a video clip or browsing through photographs can carry you through some hard knocks in life. It does remind you of what is really important in life.
These are my man-in-the-street thoughts on preparations to be a first-time dad. Being a better dad will always require effort. Needless to say, being a first-time dad would demand even more of you. It would be worth the while though.
Whilst the effort is immense but so are the rewards. Have fun and remember to enjoy the journey!
Would love to hear your comments!
Editors Note: This post was first published in October 2008 and has since been updated.
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Hi I’m E3 Dimoni Rischar I’m 22 my wife is 20 years older than me currently serving in the U.S Navy how is this going to affect both me and my wife as I’m always away on leave.
Hi mark my name is Jason and I’m going to be a first time dad, I am 23 years old, i was wondering if you could give me some father advice ? I’m having a problem believing in my self and having really bad anxiety about being a dad even though I know deep down that I will be the best father I can be, but some nights I can’t sleep because I’m worrying and having ananxiety about if I’m going to be a good dad or not.
Hi mark, my name is jeremy. I’m going to be a first time dad at 31. But my situation is different. I’m going to be a single dad. I’m scared to death because I really dont have any support from anyone and doing it by myself. I would love to be with the mother of the child but I guess she doesn’t want me like that. I told her I would love to at least try and see where goes. The way she got pregnant was a friends with benefits thing. But I would never want to force a relationship for a baby because it can be unhealthy I rather co parent. I made a promise to myself and the mother that I will be apart of my little girls life. But I do need a little advice on how to prepare myself as a single dad. I’ve reached out to the mother of my child of my emotion and love. But she gets short with me a d doesnt say much back . like I want to be apart of everything, even the process of her being pregnant. She is 7 months now . I wish I can have her ,so she doesnt feel like she’s alone.
Hey man I’m 31 and im about to be a father too! How did it go? I’m super nervous.
Hi Mark, I began a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend Misty a few months ago. We recently (about six days ago) found out she was pregnant. This isn’t her first, she already has three of her own wonderful kids, 6, 5, and 3.. We also have an age difference, I’m twenty, she’s thirty. Lol but in all seriousness I’m really worried if I’ll be the father that I need to be for our baby… We have already picked out a boy and girl name and I’m excited but very nervous! She’s about six weeks along and we are tracking the pregnancy with an app that uses professional pictures, info on the way she may be feeling each week and what to expect… I constantly wonder what the baby will look like and what traits it will take from each of us and keep reminding myself that seeing him or her for the first time will be the best experience ever, but still she gets upset that I don’t seem to take interest as much as I should? We just moved to Tennessee and planned to get married before we knew about the pregnancy. But we are at her mother’s with no privacy and she has many small arguments with her mother and aunt and grandma that live here as well… We both have our share of stress, I want to show her that I’m here for her and very excited about the new gift of life we have created…. But I’m still young, and have some trouble being a father figure to her three kids. They have separate fathers and love me as if I created them myself. My biggest problem is figuring out how to discipline them and show them love and keep discipline and love balanced… My girlfriend is also worried that I will love it new baby more than our three we have now, I’m just stuck right now and any reassurance, tips, and advice would help very much, thank you Mark , Dakota
Hey Dakota,
It is a great thing that you want to do well as a dad. That is a great start. I just want to qualify that as I am not a trained counsellor, all I can provide are suggestions.
I can imagine it is not an easy task to strike the balance between love and discipline for the 3 older kids and to love all equally, especially when the baby arrives. Don’t feel bad if you make mistakes, we all do! The important thing is to keep going and keep wanting to be better.
Continue doing what you have been dong in providing the assurance to your wife-to-be. Raising children is a partnership, it is not entirely on you. So do spend time with her and discuss through how you both want the parenting to be done.
I would seriously suggest getting some professional guidance (even pre-marital prep course), or perhaps seek out a father-figure you trust and who has a track record of being a great father. Spend time amongst those that take fatherhood seriously – it rubs on you!
Wishing you all the best!
Mark
I just found out yesterday that my gf is pregnant, and for starters my mind started going outt control. Im 24 and Im just nervous, and wondered how you managed stress in the.beginning. I know as it progresses Ill be better but as of now Im scared. I want to marry.my gf but as of now its not a thought. I feel like Ill be scrutinized by having a child and not being marrird, or just little things that im stressing over. Just need some advice for the just found out father and what I should prepare for right now to better the future of.my family!?
Your blog is helping with my stresd and Im glad I found support from you, thank you!
Hi Tom,
I am glad the blog is helping you.
Fatherhood is a journey and you need to decide how you want the journey to be and what would be the best for your child.
Rather than looking at getting married as purely to avoid being scrutinized, look at it as a step towards providing a stable environment for your family. I come from a less than ideal family and that makes me want to provide the most stable environment possible for my child. Being a father does take a lot of giving and providing but is also a rewarding and humbling experience.
It is normal to be nervous. Take some time to marvel at the joy of a new life and talk through and plan things one step at a time with your gf.
All the best!
Mark
Hello Mark I would really like to thank you for taking your time setting up your blog and giving me great insight to what’s coming. I’m going to be a first time father. Me and my pre-ance’ just found out we are pregnant. At first I was in shock and now I’m very excited but terrified at the same time. I’m having the car dilemma, I have a little two door sports car and a two door jeep. Not ideal for a little one, so now I’m faced with setting up the house, supporting my girl friend in every way, and trying to find a suitable car or truck. How do you cope with all these stressors? I feel exhausted all the time because I’m always doing something to prepare for our little miracle or miracles. Anyway thanks so much for your time and insight. I hope you nothing but happiness.
Scott B
Hi Scott,
First of all, congratulations!
Remember to take things one step at a time – it is a long but fulfilling journey. How do I cope with the stress? I think you already have the answer in you – the opportunities to love your miracle of miracles without reservation and the fact that you are taking that journey together with the woman you love. When the going gets tough, go back to these basics. My daughter has grown up now, but I still recall the time she was born as if it was yesterday!
I am glad you have found the blog useful in some little way … an encouragement for me to start posting again. 🙂
Cheers,
Mark
Hi there I am going to be a first time dad and all I worry about is am I going to be a good dad because I had a rough childhood my parents were on drugs and I was in and out of care homes and I didn’t have my dad in my life for the last 15 year’s I just recently got back in touch with him. All I do is worry because of the way my childhood was. me and my partner are very much in love and very excited but when I’m on my own all I do is worry and sometimes I cry in fear that I won’t be good enough because of the way I was brought up any advice would be very helpful thank you.
Aaron,
The fact that you worry shows that you care. That to me is already a good start.
I did not have my dad around me most of the time during my childhood and I know how it feels like.
Perhaps it helps if you think of it this way : NO ONE is GOOD ENOUGH to be a dad. I certainly don’t think I am good enough.
You have to keep on challenging yourself and go in for the long haul. Being a dad is a long journey but trust me a very fulfilling one.
You have been through a tough time; use your experience to your advantage to help your kid become the best person he and she can be.
There is no secret formula I know of, just lots of love, dedication and perseverance!
I am really excited for you, Aaron. All the best!
Mark
Thank you mark its really good to be able to talk to someone about it and I think what you have done on this website is brilliant it just reminds me I’m not alone all the best for yours and your family’s future and thank you again
Im a dad for the first time at age 46 woo hioo im so happy
Hi Rod,
Congratulations!
Enjoy fatherhood and relish the unique experience.
I am sure you will have some interesting things to share with us.
Mark
i thank u so much for writing this im becoming a daddy for the first time am so scared my dad has talked to me about it everyone i know says ill be a good dad but still scared all i want is my baby to have ten toes and fingers and be very healthy if u can please email me and helpme tho this id be so happy am 26 and ive been a great man all my life and ive only been in love once with erin shes my whole life i just hope i can be a great dad like u and my farther
Don’t worry too much buddy.
I always encourage each new dad to treasure the journey and at the end of the day as long as you want the best for your kid and put in the love and effort, you are already on great footing.
I am sure your dad is right about you and Erin will be there in this life-long partnership.
thanks a lot ! is kind of nervous to be a dad for first time !
No Problem Jon.
Remember to enjoy the journey, you are going to find it really fulfilling.
Cheers Buddy. Always useful to get a new Dad’s advce… Thanks for posting this.
Thanks mate, going to need all the advice I can get 😉